hi lovelies! guess i'm back . well my last post was 2021 and now its 2025 guysssss !! and gonna be long post because i'll be updating alot .
well lets update from my latest post .
august 2021 my dearest mom passed away. it was during covid. when i got the called from my dad in the wee morning and my heart drop . even typing this here, tears start flowing . eventhough its going to be 4 years now . i still can't believe it . i regretted didn't spent time with her, i regret it so much . i keep thinking how the situation could be different if we tried different mode of treatment . she was one strong lady . fighting cancer, going through chemo, inject medication on her own and lastly going to hysterectomy . she didn't ask for help or sympathy . she's going through this on her own . why i didn't see this before ? why am i selfish ? i wish i took more picture with her, or video so i can hear her voice. i wish i went on alot of trip with her, so we can enjoy each other company . she never say no when i needed help with the kids . she's always there . can you imagine losing your only support that will always support you and be there for you when no one else will ? i have never imagine losing my mom, i thought she was getting better . she pull through just to be at my sister's wedding. i'm happy that uwais get to spent time with his grandma and always remember her . what she did for him , what song she played . i love you mum and always will .
jan 2022 i lost my father's mom . i wasn't close to her as my maternal. but i remember her cooking was to die for. her ayam masak merah and sambal kicap . i love her 3 room flat at jurong east was so airy and she was living on her own after my late uncle pass. love how she speak boyan with my aunt . i didn't get a chance to learn the language though . it was sudden death at my aunt's home. i'm glad my aunt was there with her during her last breath.
june 2022 i gave birthed to another babygirl. ulfa fitrisha, well she's three now . she started her few steps at my in laws . with full determination she did it . i mean she can do alot independently . i remembered its on a sunday and i felt contraction at 5 plus am . still bearable until 7 am . its 5 mins apart, called delivery suite saying i have the feeling of shitting . they say to come to the hospital . get the kids ready sent to my dad's place . called my dad to drive us to the hospital straight to delivery suite and at 11 plus i gave birthed . she was so easy without epidural . is she gonna be my last baby ? i guess so . haha .
may 2024 , i transferred out from operating theatre to acute ward to pursue my studies in nursing . still hoping to be staff nurse as my mom wanted . the course started on october and i'm in 1.2 attachment now . done SNB medical posting and doing long term care . first term in school was baddddd . haha with assignments and exam . wah, didn't ace it but i did good enough. second semester in school was better because i guess i have the hang of it . result was slightly better . will try better next sem and i'll be in year 2 . OMG ! can you believe it ! and alot more assignment . i need to find a better group to ace it !
june 28 2024, i lost another family member . my beloved nenek . i remember she always come over to my parents place to cook and help taking care of us when i was younger . despite her leg she still came over . after things happened the year before, she have mood swing , get agitated easily . naz makesure i make time to visit my grandparents . i thank him for that . my kids get to meet them . my grandad was there to see her for the last time . every now and then he will look over her bed to look for her . i don't know how is he feeling then .
feb 14 2025 , i lost my grandpa, it was during my attachment and visited him during my lunch hour . he was gasping for air . i was sad just looking at him . i couldn't leave to continue my shift , texted my CI to informed and was lucky he let me stayed . i was there until his last breath . i'm glad his sibling was there to recite shahadah for him when he took his last breath . man , i saw it first hand and it feel surreal. went through the whole process of waiting for the van to sending down to mortuary to bathing him at the mosque before burial .
all this thought me that life is too short, you can go anytime. so keep praying for our loved ones, spend alot of time with those who is still living . cherished every moment .
XOXO
