Posted at 10:35 PM 0 comments (+)

 this post will be the update of my mums recovery . i can't lie i was sad and devastated looking at the condition of my mom when i see her on my birthday . i was really hoping that she open her eyes . but she was really tired . what make me sad was we can't be by her side , to talk to her , to held her hand . but as days past she's recovering very well . 

she's no longer on dialysis . ng tube for food intake , oxygen off . isolation is off . that means we can talk and hold her . downside only same 2 visitor per visit . 

hoping she will be in general ward so we can meet her . 

i miss my mum , been taking things lightly . i will spent time with her when i can . since i'm starting work august . haha my dad think i wasn't serious about my mum . he don't know i've poured my heart out to people to contain myself , to be strong and acceptance of the situation . 

all is well .alhamdullillah she's better and thank you ALLAH . 

Posted at 11:48 AM 0 comments (+)

 this post is for my second . introducing my baby girl .

UMAIRA FARISHA , born on 16 april 2021 0442am

during my pregnancy she's one active baby . i always on my feet at work . eventhough my colleague insisted that i sit . but nooooo she won't let me . haha 

my last check up was my 40 weeks on 15 april . was at clinic G the whole day with naz . when the time come , the doctor insisted of LOA(induce) because my waterbag lessen by a litte . so we had lunch and when to delivery suite for the procedure . since theres no space we have to wait for a vacancy in ward 48 . at 3pm started the first pill . to be in bed for 2 hours with monitoring . end at 5 pm . nurse told me at 11 pm i'll be wheelchair down to delivery suite . at that point my contraction was atleast 5 mins apart . oh did i tell you that my cervix was 3 cm when they started the induce , but i don't feel a thing . when we reached delivery suite , they put another pill since my cervix didn't open much . waited for another 2 hours . when they about to push me up,  i feel it the contraction from every 2 mins to per minute . but its still bearable . reached the ward at 2 plus am . i texted naz saying that its too much . i can't take it . i press the call bell and ask for epidural . she push me down to delivery suite again . and waited . at that point , i try my best to control the pain . oh when the dr about to inject the lidocaine , naz was saying to me " b asl ah i boleh rase die inject you , kepale i berat ah . " and he fell . i don't know how to react . i don't blame him because we've been awake the whole night . and he's merely tired . the midwife press the bell and says "husband fainted" the nurses help him up and advised him to go a&e for precaution . but he want to wait until i deliver . at that moment i was still in pain and the epidural wasn't working . i still feel it on my right side . the midwife gave another stat but still not working . the dr asking me to turn to my right , but no i'm not gonna move . from suggesting that i can rest for an hour to 10 minutes because its unbearable .when i say how do i rest when i still feel the pain , the midwife prepared the things for my delivery and say when you feel the contraction just push . i give 3 good push and she's out . at some point i was at the verge of giving up because i was too tired . but to think of c sect , its a no go . i only have a little stiches but theres no cut . we have a good rest in the delivery suite before we went up to the ward . and just continue sleeping all day . since its my second the pain wasn't bad at all . 

umaira is one happy baby . who love to smile and i'm jealous of her long eyelashes . she's gonna be one pretty girl . turning 3 months on 16 july . yeap shes been in school since 1st july . i know its early , yes i want to spent time with her , but i'm also preparing her when i starting work . get her immune up since i'm still on leave . as of now she's still breastfeeding and i hope for another months or year . umaira have one protective brother . i'm so glad uwais love his sister . 

alhamdullillah . thank you ALLAH for this amanah . 

Posted at 10:55 AM 0 comments (+)

 hello my dead blog . looks like i only update twice last year .

 its 110 am now and its 2021 . like well no one knows what blogging anymore . they have tiktoks now . 

i'm currently on my maternity leave which will end on 3rd of august . i don't know to be happy of going to work or not . one thing we are parents of two now . i just worried how naz will be dealing with sending our two kids when i have morning shifts . well we need to make it work some point or another . hopefully my shift isn't so bad . and i gonna have nights . how do he deal with that ? concern mom here . 

from my previous post , i said naz starting work in bb , well now he's working with a new company from japan . his workplace is at MBS . he's in his next module for his part time diploma . his school timing is wayyyy worst then before because his class ends at 10pm . WHATTTT . by the time he reach home his kids are fast asleep . now bedtime for uwais is before 10 . maybe when i start work will be earlier . 

i will update about my second in another post . 

update on uwais , he's turning 3 this year . from his previous parent teacher , they say uwais is a playful boy . he can't sit still , he like showing off his iron man , spiderman move to his friends . from his malay teacher , is to advised him to speak a full sentence in malay . haha sorry teacher that will be very hard . because my malay cannot make it . 

yes i get frustrated sometimes when he don't listen . due to his lack of sleep or tired . i think i saw an article saying when the mothers energy is good , he's kid can feel it . its actually true . i try to change my ways when talking to him , he listen . but after countless times . patience is key . 

currently my dearest mom is warded in the hospital , rode by the ambulance yesterday night . visiting her after sending the kids to school later . 

Posted at 11:32 AM 0 comments (+)

 Lets summarise what has happened , since last year october everything been dull . I mean our main focus was bringing up uwais , and i hope we as parents did our part . He’s turning two next month . Too fast , too fast . I’m just aww to whatever he’s doing now . Singing , dancing , recite doa’s . And definitely running , i can’t . Haha Sometimes stubborn and cranky because he’s sleepy . He’s still clingy as always , and i’m glad . Oh he did his follow up check up for his development on august , and the doctor says uwais is advanced . I mean its good right . Haha . 

Well after February, the pandemic named covid19 happen . Thats where everything was on hold , leaves , travelling . It been months since i went to another country. But to be safe stay in Singapore. What is lockdown , when we still have to work . Truthfully , i prefer lockdown , less crowd . Now we’re in phase 2 going phase 3 . What they call it the new normal . Okayyyyy . 

Anyways , election was held this year , and yeap PAP won .

Oh February, we adopted a cat named baby . Just because because its easier for uwais to call it . Since he’s still learning words . He’s a mixture of maincoon and bengal . He definitely grows . Like what naz says , he is a well mannered cat . On the first day , he already know where to pee , eat . I mean it wasn’t so hard . And he is clingy too . After how uwais treated him, he still give in . As of now , he’s no longer living with us . And i miss him . I didn’t know what to feel when he left the house that sunday morning . Everytime when we open the front door he will be there waiting for us . Or every morning he will meow outside our room door for food . But its for the best , we rarely have time to play with him . I hope his new owner can give him the love that he deprived. I wish you well my baby .  

I guess thats for now . Oh naz is starting his new job in bukit batok this 1 oct and his diploma . Sooooooo all the best to me . I mean i’ve yet to know his school schedule but we’ll see . Goodnight . 

Xoxo

Posted at 10:59 AM 0 comments (+)

 Hi , looks like i’m back at blogging for now . Haha . I won’t know when is my next post .

Well its september now , and what happened last year , yeap i miscarrige . But alhamdullillah, this september i’m 3 months pregnant . Allah definitely knows best . I didn’t know i was late until i have to update something on my app , to know that i’m 8 days late . Without putting hope or what so ever , i just wait for another week until i checked . And that two line makes me tear . Was using a different test kit that naz don’t even know what it is . So theres no reaction there . But truthfully i’m scared . I’m scared of my baby’s well being , if he/she okay . Because of that miscarriage, i’m a little traumatised. 

To be honest , this pregnancy brings out the worst in me . I get agitated, angry over a pity things . I get so tired , easily breathless . I don’t know if that hospitalisation leave actually helps . I feel like i’m depressed. Like i don’t talk to anyone . Just being on my own . Deep in my thoughts , sorrow . Maybe i’m just overthinking things , i just need attention/affection . After what happened some days back , i guess i tried controlling my mood , be more positive. I hope it continues . I want to save my baby , i want uwais to have sibling . I can see how much he love babies . Oh and one thing to add lucky me , i have to morning sickness . But my taste buds is the worst . I don’t like thai food as much or nasi ayam penyet . Like nooooo . Looks like fish soup from heavenly wang is my favourite now . 

Insyaallah my next post will be about me updating about my second pregnancy . 

Posted at 12:00 PM 0 comments (+) Its october now , and uwais is turning one soon . Yes its fast . I enjoyed every minute , hours and months with him . For my previous post saying about him walking , yes he surprised me . He’s walking . I’m so happy . Even after countless of falls , he get right up . I’m proud , i’m a proud mom .  I’m proud to say my boy is walking before he turns one . He’s walks all over the house . ‘Cleaning’ the house .  It might be because he sees he’s friends walking at school . That gives him motivation . Now i know my boy can do anything . Despite all that he is still my clingy koala .

Him falling sick this pass days , makes me worried . If its because he’s teething , or learning something new , or from school , or he’s gonna one year old . He’s recovering now but still having flu and cough . Guess its better then having fever .

Me working night shift now miss my little baby . I can’t cuddle him to sleep . Hais . I see you later okay sayang .

Sometimes i feel like i’m a bad mom when he falls . Like i don’t give him much attention from where he steps or hold or for whatever reason . I’m trying not to be hard on myself and just hope that he grows up healthy . I can’t wait for what he can do next .

He learns how to wave goodbye . He knows how to salam . I just aww everytime he does that . Everytime he wants to do anything wrong he will look at me before doing it . Sometimes he won't sometimes he just see if i'll get piss .

All i can say thank you Allah for him . I'll grateful .

Posted at 11:55 AM 0 comments (+) Before i start updating my delayed post , i will like to make this post as a reminder to myself .

On aug 6 . I came to know that i'm pregnant again . Yes its definitely a surprise and i'm having mixed feelings . Don't get me wrong , i'm happy that we're gonna have another kid . Just not how i imagine , i want to see uwais start walking or talking . I still want to pamper and spent more time with him alone .When we have another kid , uwais will know he's gonna be a big brother .

It took me a month and a half for me to check the pregnancy test because i actually lose weight during the month of july . Thats the reason why i delayed .

I went for my trip before seeing the gynae because there wasn't any earlier slot . On the second last day in osaka , i start feeling like i'm having menses . I start having cramps . It continue to bleed until we touchdown . And i decided to go to a&e . I didn't get any sleep on my way to kansai airport and on the plane back to singapore  i can't stop thinking of how the process will be like . Once i step foot in a&e , blood starts gushing out . I know my pad will not hold it . Went to change my pad and clots keep flowing out . It keeps bleeding until i was on the a&e bed for observation . I was given choices to let it flow or medication . I choose doing nothing and let it flow . I have an appointment on 3rd sept to see if its clear .

Yes i miscarriage .

Eventhough its a surprise pregnancy but i was happy . I redha . Its not meant for us . Allah knows best .