Posted at 9:26 AM 0 comments (+)

 

hi lovelies! guess i'm back . well my last post was 2021 and now its 2025 guysssss !! and gonna be long post because i'll be updating alot .

well lets update from my latest post . 

august 2021 my dearest mom passed away. it was during covid. when i got the called from my dad in the wee morning and my heart drop . even typing this here, tears start flowing . eventhough its going to be 4 years now . i still can't believe it . i regretted didn't spent time with her, i regret it so much . i keep thinking how the situation could be different if we tried different mode of treatment . she was one strong lady . fighting cancer, going through chemo, inject medication on her own and lastly going to hysterectomy . she didn't ask for help or sympathy . she's going through this on her own . why i didn't see this before ? why am i selfish ? i wish i took more picture with her, or video so i can hear her voice. i wish i went on alot of trip with her, so we can enjoy each other company . she never say no when i needed help with the kids . she's always there . can you imagine losing your only support that will always support you and be there for you when no one else will ? i have never imagine losing my mom, i thought she was getting better . she pull through just to be at my sister's wedding. i'm happy that uwais get to spent time with his grandma and always remember her . what she did for him , what song she played . i love you mum and always will . 

jan 2022 i lost my father's mom . i wasn't close to her as my maternal. but i remember her cooking was to die for. her ayam masak merah and sambal kicap . i love her 3 room flat at jurong east was so airy and she was living on her own after my late uncle pass. love how she speak boyan with my aunt . i didn't get a chance to learn the language though . it was sudden death at my aunt's home. i'm glad my aunt was there with her during her last breath.

june 2022 i gave birthed to another babygirl. ulfa fitrisha, well she's three now . she started her few steps at my in laws . with full determination she did it . i mean she can do alot independently . i remembered its on a sunday and i felt contraction at 5 plus am . still bearable until 7 am . its 5 mins apart, called delivery suite saying i have the feeling of shitting . they say to come to the hospital . get the kids ready sent to my dad's place . called my dad to drive us to the hospital straight to delivery suite and at 11 plus i gave birthed . she was so easy without epidural . is she gonna be my last baby ? i guess so . haha . 

may 2024 , i transferred out from operating theatre to acute ward to pursue my studies in nursing . still hoping to be staff nurse as my mom wanted . the course started on october and i'm in 1.2 attachment now . done SNB medical posting and doing long term care . first term in school was baddddd . haha with assignments and exam . wah, didn't ace it but i did good enough. second semester in school was better because i guess i have the hang of it . result was slightly better . will try better next sem and i'll be in year 2 . OMG ! can you believe it ! and alot more assignment . i need to find a better group to ace it ! 

june 28 2024, i lost another family member . my beloved nenek . i remember she always come over to my parents place to cook and help taking care of us when i was younger . despite her leg she still came over . after things happened the year before, she have mood swing , get agitated easily . naz makesure i make time to visit my grandparents . i thank him for that . my kids get to meet them . my grandad was there to see her for the last time . every now and then he will look over her bed to look for her . i don't know how is he feeling then .

feb 14 2025 , i lost my grandpa, it was during my attachment and visited him during my lunch hour . he was gasping for air . i was sad just looking at him . i couldn't leave to continue my shift , texted my CI to informed and was lucky he let me stayed . i was there until his last breath . i'm glad his sibling was there to recite shahadah for him when he took his last breath . man , i saw it first hand and it feel surreal. went through the whole process of waiting for the van to sending down to mortuary to bathing him at the mosque before burial . 

all this thought me that life is too short, you can go anytime. so keep praying for our loved ones, spend alot of time with those who is still living . cherished every moment .

XOXO

Posted at 10:35 PM 0 comments (+)

 this post will be the update of my mums recovery . i can't lie i was sad and devastated looking at the condition of my mom when i see her on my birthday . i was really hoping that she open her eyes . but she was really tired . what make me sad was we can't be by her side , to talk to her , to held her hand . but as days past she's recovering very well . 

she's no longer on dialysis . ng tube for food intake , oxygen off . isolation is off . that means we can talk and hold her . downside only same 2 visitor per visit . 

hoping she will be in general ward so we can meet her . 

i miss my mum , been taking things lightly . i will spent time with her when i can . since i'm starting work august . haha my dad think i wasn't serious about my mum . he don't know i've poured my heart out to people to contain myself , to be strong and acceptance of the situation . 

all is well .alhamdullillah she's better and thank you ALLAH . 

Posted at 11:48 AM 0 comments (+)

 this post is for my second . introducing my baby girl .

UMAIRA FARISHA , born on 16 april 2021 0442am

during my pregnancy she's one active baby . i always on my feet at work . eventhough my colleague insisted that i sit . but nooooo she won't let me . haha 

my last check up was my 40 weeks on 15 april . was at clinic G the whole day with naz . when the time come , the doctor insisted of LOA(induce) because my waterbag lessen by a litte . so we had lunch and when to delivery suite for the procedure . since theres no space we have to wait for a vacancy in ward 48 . at 3pm started the first pill . to be in bed for 2 hours with monitoring . end at 5 pm . nurse told me at 11 pm i'll be wheelchair down to delivery suite . at that point my contraction was atleast 5 mins apart . oh did i tell you that my cervix was 3 cm when they started the induce , but i don't feel a thing . when we reached delivery suite , they put another pill since my cervix didn't open much . waited for another 2 hours . when they about to push me up,  i feel it the contraction from every 2 mins to per minute . but its still bearable . reached the ward at 2 plus am . i texted naz saying that its too much . i can't take it . i press the call bell and ask for epidural . she push me down to delivery suite again . and waited . at that point , i try my best to control the pain . oh when the dr about to inject the lidocaine , naz was saying to me " b asl ah i boleh rase die inject you , kepale i berat ah . " and he fell . i don't know how to react . i don't blame him because we've been awake the whole night . and he's merely tired . the midwife press the bell and says "husband fainted" the nurses help him up and advised him to go a&e for precaution . but he want to wait until i deliver . at that moment i was still in pain and the epidural wasn't working . i still feel it on my right side . the midwife gave another stat but still not working . the dr asking me to turn to my right , but no i'm not gonna move . from suggesting that i can rest for an hour to 10 minutes because its unbearable .when i say how do i rest when i still feel the pain , the midwife prepared the things for my delivery and say when you feel the contraction just push . i give 3 good push and she's out . at some point i was at the verge of giving up because i was too tired . but to think of c sect , its a no go . i only have a little stiches but theres no cut . we have a good rest in the delivery suite before we went up to the ward . and just continue sleeping all day . since its my second the pain wasn't bad at all . 

umaira is one happy baby . who love to smile and i'm jealous of her long eyelashes . she's gonna be one pretty girl . turning 3 months on 16 july . yeap shes been in school since 1st july . i know its early , yes i want to spent time with her , but i'm also preparing her when i starting work . get her immune up since i'm still on leave . as of now she's still breastfeeding and i hope for another months or year . umaira have one protective brother . i'm so glad uwais love his sister . 

alhamdullillah . thank you ALLAH for this amanah . 

Posted at 10:55 AM 0 comments (+)

 hello my dead blog . looks like i only update twice last year .

 its 110 am now and its 2021 . like well no one knows what blogging anymore . they have tiktoks now . 

i'm currently on my maternity leave which will end on 3rd of august . i don't know to be happy of going to work or not . one thing we are parents of two now . i just worried how naz will be dealing with sending our two kids when i have morning shifts . well we need to make it work some point or another . hopefully my shift isn't so bad . and i gonna have nights . how do he deal with that ? concern mom here . 

from my previous post , i said naz starting work in bb , well now he's working with a new company from japan . his workplace is at MBS . he's in his next module for his part time diploma . his school timing is wayyyy worst then before because his class ends at 10pm . WHATTTT . by the time he reach home his kids are fast asleep . now bedtime for uwais is before 10 . maybe when i start work will be earlier . 

i will update about my second in another post . 

update on uwais , he's turning 3 this year . from his previous parent teacher , they say uwais is a playful boy . he can't sit still , he like showing off his iron man , spiderman move to his friends . from his malay teacher , is to advised him to speak a full sentence in malay . haha sorry teacher that will be very hard . because my malay cannot make it . 

yes i get frustrated sometimes when he don't listen . due to his lack of sleep or tired . i think i saw an article saying when the mothers energy is good , he's kid can feel it . its actually true . i try to change my ways when talking to him , he listen . but after countless times . patience is key . 

currently my dearest mom is warded in the hospital , rode by the ambulance yesterday night . visiting her after sending the kids to school later . 

Posted at 11:32 AM 0 comments (+)

 Lets summarise what has happened , since last year october everything been dull . I mean our main focus was bringing up uwais , and i hope we as parents did our part . He’s turning two next month . Too fast , too fast . I’m just aww to whatever he’s doing now . Singing , dancing , recite doa’s . And definitely running , i can’t . Haha Sometimes stubborn and cranky because he’s sleepy . He’s still clingy as always , and i’m glad . Oh he did his follow up check up for his development on august , and the doctor says uwais is advanced . I mean its good right . Haha . 

Well after February, the pandemic named covid19 happen . Thats where everything was on hold , leaves , travelling . It been months since i went to another country. But to be safe stay in Singapore. What is lockdown , when we still have to work . Truthfully , i prefer lockdown , less crowd . Now we’re in phase 2 going phase 3 . What they call it the new normal . Okayyyyy . 

Anyways , election was held this year , and yeap PAP won .

Oh February, we adopted a cat named baby . Just because because its easier for uwais to call it . Since he’s still learning words . He’s a mixture of maincoon and bengal . He definitely grows . Like what naz says , he is a well mannered cat . On the first day , he already know where to pee , eat . I mean it wasn’t so hard . And he is clingy too . After how uwais treated him, he still give in . As of now , he’s no longer living with us . And i miss him . I didn’t know what to feel when he left the house that sunday morning . Everytime when we open the front door he will be there waiting for us . Or every morning he will meow outside our room door for food . But its for the best , we rarely have time to play with him . I hope his new owner can give him the love that he deprived. I wish you well my baby .  

I guess thats for now . Oh naz is starting his new job in bukit batok this 1 oct and his diploma . Sooooooo all the best to me . I mean i’ve yet to know his school schedule but we’ll see . Goodnight . 

Xoxo

Posted at 10:59 AM 0 comments (+)

 Hi , looks like i’m back at blogging for now . Haha . I won’t know when is my next post .

Well its september now , and what happened last year , yeap i miscarrige . But alhamdullillah, this september i’m 3 months pregnant . Allah definitely knows best . I didn’t know i was late until i have to update something on my app , to know that i’m 8 days late . Without putting hope or what so ever , i just wait for another week until i checked . And that two line makes me tear . Was using a different test kit that naz don’t even know what it is . So theres no reaction there . But truthfully i’m scared . I’m scared of my baby’s well being , if he/she okay . Because of that miscarriage, i’m a little traumatised. 

To be honest , this pregnancy brings out the worst in me . I get agitated, angry over a pity things . I get so tired , easily breathless . I don’t know if that hospitalisation leave actually helps . I feel like i’m depressed. Like i don’t talk to anyone . Just being on my own . Deep in my thoughts , sorrow . Maybe i’m just overthinking things , i just need attention/affection . After what happened some days back , i guess i tried controlling my mood , be more positive. I hope it continues . I want to save my baby , i want uwais to have sibling . I can see how much he love babies . Oh and one thing to add lucky me , i have to morning sickness . But my taste buds is the worst . I don’t like thai food as much or nasi ayam penyet . Like nooooo . Looks like fish soup from heavenly wang is my favourite now . 

Insyaallah my next post will be about me updating about my second pregnancy . 

Posted at 12:00 PM 0 comments (+) Its october now , and uwais is turning one soon . Yes its fast . I enjoyed every minute , hours and months with him . For my previous post saying about him walking , yes he surprised me . He’s walking . I’m so happy . Even after countless of falls , he get right up . I’m proud , i’m a proud mom .  I’m proud to say my boy is walking before he turns one . He’s walks all over the house . ‘Cleaning’ the house .  It might be because he sees he’s friends walking at school . That gives him motivation . Now i know my boy can do anything . Despite all that he is still my clingy koala .

Him falling sick this pass days , makes me worried . If its because he’s teething , or learning something new , or from school , or he’s gonna one year old . He’s recovering now but still having flu and cough . Guess its better then having fever .

Me working night shift now miss my little baby . I can’t cuddle him to sleep . Hais . I see you later okay sayang .

Sometimes i feel like i’m a bad mom when he falls . Like i don’t give him much attention from where he steps or hold or for whatever reason . I’m trying not to be hard on myself and just hope that he grows up healthy . I can’t wait for what he can do next .

He learns how to wave goodbye . He knows how to salam . I just aww everytime he does that . Everytime he wants to do anything wrong he will look at me before doing it . Sometimes he won't sometimes he just see if i'll get piss .

All i can say thank you Allah for him . I'll grateful .